Becoming a parent, or expecting to become one, is one of the biggest joys in life. Both expecting and veteran parents can expect an onslaught of advice from well-meaning friends, family members, and even strangers, whether solicited or not. Typically, you can expect advice surrounding the care of your child, reviews on relevant products and recommendations of best-selling parenting books, mummy blogs and podcasts. Amongst the spiel of well-meaning advice, as parents, we rarely receive advice about ourselves and the changes that our bodies undergo during pregnancy or once our children are born.
Even after the arrival of our children, our minds and bodies continue to change, some of which we may not have experienced before, which can be unnerving and make us feel like we’ve lost our sense of self. Frequent negative emotions can further lead to feelings of losing our identity and our former selves that existed well before the presence of children in our lives. In fact, at minimum, around 70% to 80% of women who have just given birth will experience what is often dubbed as the ‘baby blues’ and a form of post-natal depression or related condition.
In general, our personal sense of identity stems from our lifestyle choices, involving romantic relations, friendship, career or the activities that we enjoy outside of work. The arrival of a baby can halt these lifestyle choices or at least impact them somehow, as your priorities will shift to accommodate your children, whose needs come first due to their reliance on you. Especially if you’re a new parent, this shift may surprise you despite the joy you feel.
However, it’s important to remember that this does not reflect on your abilities as a parent and is utterly normal amongst the parenting community. Giving yourself time to rediscover your identity post-partum can be challenging. That’s why we’ve created this article on coping with the changes to your mind and body after having a baby in hopes that you’ll feel more like your usual self in due time.
Make Time To Practice Self Care
Whether you’re an expecting, new or existing parent, we’re sure that every mother can attest that it’s all too easy to neglect your own needs when you’re spending every waking moment of the day trying to keep a tiny human alive. Not to mention, even when we do get a spare child-free moment to ourselves, our sense of duty is replaced with guilt at the thought of spending our time doing anything that isn’t productive.
However, parents need to realise that prioritising themselves and their physical/mental well-being for once isn’t selfish, and it’s crucial for being a successful parent. Scheduling the time to practice self-care is essential for our health and wellbeing, as the more fulfilled we feel, the more energy we have to give to our children and the other people in our lives.
Now we’re not necessarily telling you to run a bath, slap a facemask on and pour yourself a glass of wine – unless this is how you’d generally like to spend your time. There are plenty of ways to practice self-care without focusing on your outward appearance. Self-care refers to anything that improves your physical and mental wellbeing, whether that’s spending time with family or friends, completing a workout at the gym, reading a good book or simply doing nothing and relaxing at home.
While you’re filling up your schedule with kid-friendly activities, take the time to delegate some time to yourself or isolate an evening a week where you can offload your children onto your partner. Your parents or a willing friend so that you can spend some much-needed time away and use the time to recuperate. Or delegate an hour or so out of each day and treat yourself to a bit longer in bed or use the extra time to enjoy a coffee with your feet up – anything that refreshes you for the day ahead.
Make Sure You Allow Yourself Time To Relax
It can be challenging for new parents and even experienced ones to find the time to relax or allow yourself to have a break. Especially if you’re a stay-at-home parent, we’re sure that you can admit (whether you want to or not) that avoiding burnout can be challenging when you’re looking after children. However, despite the overwhelming guilt, we may feel at taking a few precious minutes for ourselves, having regular intervals is vital as a parent so that you avoid burnout and so that you can parent to the best of your abilities.
Explore different ways that enable you and your partner, if you have one, to relax. You could do this by creating a babysitting co-op with other parents in your social circle and taking it in turns to watch your respective children so that the other parenting duo gets a break. Or you could look at childcare options in your area or ask family members if they would be able to mind your children occasionally.
Look After Your Physical Appearance
After you’ve just had a baby, the last thing that you may want to do is take care of your physical appearance, especially if you’re struggling with your identity. When you’ve just become a new parent, it can be hard to avoid publications regarding shifting baby weight or changing your appearance, and it can be difficult not to get swept up in the pressure of ‘bouncing back.’
However, looking after your physical appearance doesn’t just apply to your weight; your physical appearance can also apply to styling your hair and makeup or how you dress. Sometimes, trying to do these small things can significantly set your mood for the day. As we all know, there’s a connection between feeling good and looking good, which goes far beyond elevating our physical appearances and makes us feel more positive, healthier and more in control of our day.
On the other hand, if you’re struggling with your identity post-partum, you may feel the urge to experiment whether you’re considering updating your hair, playing with a new style or considering minor or major plastic surgery after the birth of your child. Making changes to your appearance no matter how small can be healthy and give you a burst of self-confidence.
It’s normal to be worried about motherhood and the effects that it might have on your body. You may have a range of questions relating to this process. This could include; “Will my pregnancy affect my existing breast implants?”, “How long should I wait post-pregnancy to get implants?”, “Can I breastfeed with implants?” or you may have concerns about the shape and size of your breasts after surgery. In this case, we recommend using internet resources or guides from medical professionals such as Enhance Medical Group. Their website has a range of valuable resources about any past procedures you may have had pre-pregnancy, plus any surgeries you may be considering.
Stop Comparing Yourself To Other Parents
Nowadays, it can be effortless in our world of social media to draw comparisons between ourselves and fellow parents, which can encourage feelings of inferiority or jealousy to bloom inside us. If you can relate to the previous statement, rest assured that you are not alone, with 45% of parents confiding in a recent survey that they actively compared themselves to other parents or at least felt pressure to keep up with others. However, it’s essential to realise that in the world of online parenting, you are only viewing the posts that parents want you to see and that what seems like reality can easily be hidden beneath a façade for appearances.
It may be easy to look at the depiction of someone’s online life and assume that everything has gone back to normal since the arrival of their child, but what you don’t see is that they might be going through the same experiences or feelings as you. You may not see the author of these seemingly perfect parenting posts struggling to soothe their child to sleep at four o’clock in the morning or the temper tantrums that their child throws over the minor things. We’re all human, and we all navigate the journey of motherhood differently, so it’s essential not to be too hard on ourselves or draw comparisons as what works for other parents may not work for you and vice versa.
Think About Going Back To Work
Getting yourself back into your daily routine can also help you deal with your mind/body changes after your child’s birth and may help you to feel more like yourself again. However, before you decide to return to work, you’ll have to work out how it will be feasible for you and your partner if you have one and figure out the options for your child. Should you ask for a phased return to work? What childcare options are available to you? Can you afford childcare for each weekday or just every couple of days? Should you consider becoming part-time instead of full-time? Figuring out the answers to these questions will prepare you mentally for going back to work and help soothe any anxiety or guilt you may feel about leaving your child.
On the other hand, you may feel that you’re not ready to go back to work just yet or depending on your financial situation, you may want to become a stay-at-home parent. All of these are valid reasons to not return to work; ultimately, you’ll always have time for your career if that’s a prerogative for you, but the time spent with your children while they’re small is precious and limited, so it’s best to make the most of it. You can always keep in touch with colleagues and your superiors at your current job, providing that you enjoy it, so that you can keep up with any changes and have a job to fall back on if you find that you do need to return to working life.
Keep A Strong Social Circle
Having a baby can not only affect your mind and body, but it can also affect your social life and your ability to spend time with your friends. Especially if you’re the only one in your friendship group with children, you may feel isolated or as though your peers may not want to spend time with you now that you’re a parent. Rest assured that this is not the case, and nothing helps your mind and body more than surrounding yourself with friends or family members that care about you. While making your weekly schedule ensure that you leave an adequate amount of time in-between your other plans in which you can organise to spend time with family and friends, even if the suggestions you make are nothing special.
If members of your peer group have children also, you could try organising play dates or outings to include yourselves and your children so that you can spend time with each other plus involve your children. Or, if you’d like some time to yourself, you could plan one day a week or something similar in which you could offload your children or child onto your partner or a willing family member so that you can get some much-needed time away for your physical and mental wellbeing.
Alternatively, if you’re the only person amongst your social circle that’s a parent, you could try making new friendships with other parents – alongside maintaining your current friendships. You could try reaching out to other parents either in-person or online, through parenting groups on social media or at your child’s nursery, your local library, or by participating in activities or groups aimed at young children. Suppose you’re struggling to find like-minded individuals or parents in the same position as yourself. In that case, you could try reaching out to your health practitioner and seeing if they had any recommendations as to where you could establish new friendships with other parents.
Post-Pregnancy Identity Crisis is a feature post
